The Controversial Dutch Christmas "Helper"

 Once every year or so something very crazy happens and I feel compelled to write about it. This year, it was the neighborhood Christmas parade, or as it's known here in NL, the arrival of Sinterklaas. 

Official photo from Iamsterdam

                                     
The arrival of Sinterklaas (usually by boat, but not for us because the canals in our neighborhood are too small, boohoo) has been cancelled for the previous two years because someone ate a pangolin. At 2pm on Nov 12th, a double decker party bus rolled into our neighborhood blasting techno so loud it hurt. Then, out of the bus, came a dozen  people dressed in velvet suits and blackface (yes...) throwing small bags of cookies to children, handing out flags to wave, and jumping up and down to start the street dance party. There was a 50+ year old hype man on the bus with hair gel and a silver sequin jacket yelling things into the mike like "woo!" "too the left! to the right!" "everyone dance" "hup hup hup!". 

Oh yeah and maybe there was a Sinterklaas standing on the bus, I don't know. Whatever. 

This pride x blackface event was definitely entertaining, but also felt like watching someone you know and respect get completely plastered and try to start a fight in a public place. 

To clarify a few things, Sinterklaas is (obviously) the Dutch version of Santa. He lives in Spain, wears a red pope hat, and has a totally-not-a-slave "helper" called Black Piet. 

Now, take a deep breath because the Christmas you know and love is taking a sharp left. 

Black Piet (or Zwarte Piet in Dutch, link for the brave) is of no specific origin but is black(face), and assists Sinterklaas by accompanying him around the Netherlands between 12th Nov - 5th December. If children are good, Black Piet will climb down their chimney to leave candy and cookies in their shoes. If children are bad, Black Piet might leave coal, hit the kids with a stick or kidnap them and take them back to Spain. (Honestly, as an adult, not the worst sounding punishment.) Black Piet seems to be just as, if not more, important than Santa himself. It is considered normal for parents to hire Piets to show up to visit at their homes. 

When I first heard about Black Piet I thought the concept was an offensive internet lie concocted to rile up the snowflakes (in this case, me). Surely this is not a thing that can exist in a Western country in 2022. However, Black Piet is ferociously (and on one occasion this year, violently) defended by many in the Netherlands as a cultural icon. According to some (#notall) white Dutch people I have spoken to on the subject, Black Piet has no impact on the perception or feelings of black people because Black Piet is viewed in a "positive way". 

In 2014 the concept of "Sooty Piet" was introduced in Amsterdam. Sooty Piet is based on the premise that Piet is a white guy whose face is dirty because he climbs down chimneys. Therefore white people can put on up to 90% blackface coverage and claim it is not racist. A fair middle ground perhaps? Not really when you see local bakeries exposing the true undertones: 

This totally-not-racist edible masterpiece was featured in a flier delivered to every house in our neighborhood last year. Could it be our local baker is waving their own flag here? Alas, it is a chain store. 

This weekend I heard that Sooty Piet is not an appropriate replacement for Black Piet, because, and prepare yourself for this reasoning as it is special, if you don't wear full blackface when handing out cookies/candy to children, the children might recognize you and it will ruin the magic of Sinterklaas 😱. 

I have nothing more to say about this other than I don't like it, its absurd, and I feel very badly for children in the Netherlands who are bullied because of this tradition.  It appears to be changing at a snails pace. 

Amsterdam and the Things That Are Different

Everyone loves a listicle, especially now most of us are confined to our homes with plenty of time to peruse mindless media. On this note, I have recently finished all seasons of Sugar Rush, including the Christmas and sugar sculpting specials. If anyone has any recommendations for a colourful show that requires minimal cognitive commitment, please let me know.

One of the best parts about moving is the emotional roller coaster that accompanies the discovery of new things that are better or worse than what you are used to. Here's a list of things in Amsterdam that are different. 

1. Bike Stuff. Everyone knows Amsterdam is all about bikes. What I didn't know is that the city is covered in a comprehensive network of pink bike paths (fietspaden!) that sometimes run independently of the roads. These paths have mysterious rules that I learn on the go when people yell at me for breaking them. Unlike TO or NZ, drivers in Amsterdam treat cyclists with the reverence of a North Korean general who knows one misstep will result in him being blown up in front of an audience in the national stadium. That is to say, cars stop, reverse for, and certainly do not beep at cyclists. I assume the mass execution of drivers who break the rules will take place on one of the national holidays. 

Fietspaden aren't just for bikes! Teeny cars and scooters are also allowed. 

2. Amazon sucks. Amazon NL is clearly not run by the same people who run Amazon in Canada. I ordered eight things and all but two were delivered separately, some not on the promised date. Further, a negative review I wrote for a crappy yoga mat was deleted! Those bastards. 

3. I suck. A key lesson I learned from moving to TO was to check the climate of your exact destination prior to making a decision. After applying for my Canadian visa, I discovered that like the planet Mars, TO reaches temperatures of -40C. [Side note - this is a pretty fair situation to wish upon your worst enemy as its extremely miserable but won't kill them so long as they have the right equipment.] Standing in an art museum in Haarlem looking at paintings of frozen Dutch landscapes, I realised I had yet again not gone far enough to research the climate, having relied simply on word of mouth that NL "doesn't get that cold". 

Also at the art museum, an ancient cat picture. 

4. The municipality of Amsterdam does not suck. Take note bureaucrats! We had an appointment. We were seen at the exact time of our appointment. There was free coffee. A week later we got our residency cards. We were even given a welcome swag bag that included an actual hard cover book about living in Amsterdam and a miniature rubber ducky.

5. Everyone is fit. This fitness is encouraged by a consistent sprinkling of indoor gyms, outdoor gyms and very cool kids playgrounds across the city. In the evening, it is common to see group exercise classes outside schools and in other public areas. I guess everyone's got to work off that cheese somehow!

Oh the places you'll go...our closest playground. 

6. The giant head-band thing outside the KFC near our apartment. Push the button and it will blast the word "FREEZE" followed by music so loud and repetitive that everyone even remotely in the vicinity will know what you have done and resent you. This is actually a game of musical chairs for kids. 

More hygienic than a ballpit, but also more disruptive. 

7. Cool birds. The bird game in Amsterdam is strong. Of particular note are the disconcertingly intelligent crows, the fat woodpigeons (not quite as round or fancy as the NZ version, but definitely related), and the green parrots that can be heard before they are seen due to their constant bickering. 

Top Bird in Amsterdam: The Urban Heron, apx. 1m tall. These things are terrifying. Here is one Eric and I saw eating a rat.

8. Swear words are mean. Dutch swear words revolve around either accusing someone of having, or wishing upon them, serious ancient illnesses such as cancer, tuberculosis, or polio. I haven't heard anyone swear yet, though my Dutch is terrible so its very possible I just missed it. I look forward to learning more about this. 

9. Foodstuffs. Cheese! Precious cheese, pastries, and fries. These have all come at the cost of salt and vinegar chips. That's right! There are no salt and vinegar chips. I ask not for sympathy; my sorrows can be drowned in €3 bottles of French wine. However, I will be stocking up if I ever get to the UK. 

Bonus pic: The Cathedral of St Bavo, Harlaam (a city 20mins from Amsterdam), featuring a massive organ that Mozart played as a 10yo. This picture shows half the length of the building. Fun Fact: The floor was entirely made from gravestones, presumably with bodies underneath them. 

The Troubles and Moving to Amsterdam

In Feb this year Eric and I set off on our merry way from Toronto to Amsterdam via Costa Rica, Panama, New Zealand, Thailand (N/A) and Sri Lanka (also N/A). With all the optimism of 90s kids in a developed nation, we voluntarily left our jobs, sold most of our stuff, and put anything that wasn't related to a tropical holiday in a box to be stored in a friend's cupboard. 

Ha! Look at those happy fools. Our eyes even seem shinier. 

Then came The Troubles and we became trapped in New Zealand for five months. I'd just like to take a moment here to acknowledge how fucked up most of our lives have become. It's also necessary to call out how privileged we were to be:

1. In a country with an effective government and residents that care about each other;

2.  Surrounded by friends and family (particularly mum who housed our sorry-yet-now-typical-living-at-home-millennial selves); and

3. Not single. The horror. According to a friend on the front line, there is at least one guy on earth who thinks he can prove to women he is corona-free by demonstrating his organized bike shed.

Post-lockdown govt. compliant family get together in Wellington.

After a few months it became pretty clear that Eric and I could not both live and work in NZ, so we booked very expensive plane tickets and went to Amsterdam. To be fair, there were cheaper tickets but those involved transiting through LAX. Despite my constant complaining over the past few months, and even if the euthanasia referendum had already passed in NZ, I'm not ready to sign off yet. (Side note - I cannot stress enough how much I despise LAX. It was either designed by retired government bureaucrats, or the world's top consulting firm with the specific goal of making travel as miserable and difficult as possible. Any incompetence displayed by staff could only result in a better customer experience.)

Quality time with Mr Nom Nom Cat in Auckland; the pleasure was entirely ours. 

If you ever get sick of thinking about Corona-related stressors, I would advise moving internationally. This will provide you with a whole new set of urgent issues to think about such as "is my passport definitely still in the front pouch of my backpack?", "what does this mean in English?" and "how will I pay for these groceries when my Canadian card won't work here and there is no ATM nearby?!". If these don't take your mind off the international crisis then the classic "how can I secure a lease by setting up an auto deposit from a bank account, if I can't set up a bank account until I have a permanent address?!?!" should do the trick. I haven't thought seriously about dying in days, and I've been too busy to worry about the long term impacts of The Troubles on my life. 

Stuff! Precious Stuff!!!!!! Finally reunited after 6 months. I will never claim not to be a stuff person again. 

Ten days into living in Amsterdam, we have bikes and are already on our fourth package of cheese. More to come! 

Utrecht, The Netherlands

One boat at a time. 

Utrecht has never been on my to do list, mostly because I didn’t know it existed, but also because I have been avoiding Europe due to the vague excuse that I lived in Wales as a kid. I recently went there for a one-week work trip, and would highly recommend visiting if you happen to be nearby.

Thanks to Utrecht, I now feel like a professional photographer. 

Why? It is super pretty. Like Sapa (Vietnam), Utrecht looks and feels like a fairy tale come to life. One short draw back was that I visited with a broken foot, and Utrecht is not a city you want to be disabled in (there probably isn’t any good place to be disabled in, though some are better than others). Utrecht boasts many steep staircases (both in and outdoors), cobblestone roads, and biking is the primary mode of transportation. Fortunately, the city centre is tres petite so complete mobility is not necessary to see some nice attractions, including cafes with wine.

So many bikes!

While the rule in Germany may be “don’t mention the war”, the rule in Utrecht is “always mention the war at least once when in a conversation with a visitor”. Everyone in Utrecht has been impacted by the war, if not their family then simply by the destruction of historical architecture. When in doubt, it is also acceptable to blame the war for the ruin of something which used to exist. Having no comparable war on our doorstep, or history generally, I am reminded of how unique NZ is.

In the winter there is sometimes a "mouse plague" where by all the mice living by the canal rush inside buildings to get warm. Fortunately, you can buy teeny gas chambers to exterminate them...or just block the gaps. 

Utrecht is based around a canal which takes the shape of a flattened figure 8. Arriving in Utrecht at ?! o’clock Canadian time, and having already eaten, I went in search within a 2-block radius of something to do to prevent falling asleep. Slightly south of the main café area is a business that lends kayaks and maps for E$6 an hour. Kayaking is a very good way to get around when you have a broken foot. It is also exciting, as you share the canal with other, larger boats and ducks. There were no official canal rules, but an obvious unspoken “get-out-of-the-way-of-bigger-boats-you-teeny-kayak” rule (to be fair, everyone was slow and courteous).  The canal loops out of city centre, past some fancy houses in the suburbs, and back to the city in two hours of paddling.  

Passed a few groups of people fishing in the canal. Apparently out of the city the fish are safe to eat...

In the middle of the city there is a church with a loud bell that is enthusiastically rung on some hours and at other random times (eg, 4.15). On my first day who-ever was ringing bashed out a loud, seemingly tune-and-rhythm-less solo for a couple of minutes at 5pm. On my second day, there was a nicer 13 minute bell solo at 4.30pm. I had formed a theory that the bell ringer was a volunteer, a child, or both, however, it turns out that it may be automated, which is almost more confusing. According to locals, the bells were utilised for a Pink Floyd gig last year. The musician responsible spent the week leading up to the concert hammering out the riff for “We Don’t Need No Education”.

Ding ding ding ding ding. 

I would highly recommend visiting Utrecht. It is a quirky and romantic spot, with very good cheese.

Bonus Fun Fact: There is a saying in Utrecht – trying to save the goat and the cabbage. This depicts a metaphor in which you are rowing a boat containing both a goat and a cabbage. You can’t let the goat eat the cabbage, throw the goat overboard, or stop rowing. 

So much cheese! The diet in Utrecht consists mostly of bread, cheese and thinly sliced meat. 

Hawaii Part 2: Hawaii Island

An alien planet? No! Lava at sunset. 

Hawaii Island, or "The Big Island", is known for its jungles, manta rays, and being an active volcano. Generally speaking, half the island is lush tropical jungle/farms, while the other, decimated by lava flows, is classified as a desert due to the low amount of rainfall it receives every year. The island has two airports, one of which is in the middle of a very large, very black (non-active) lava flow. Landing on lava seemed akin to landing on another planet - having now done so I feel mentally and emotionally prepared for a Mars landing in the increasingly likely event earth is destroyed in the next decade.

The entire years' rain fall (seriously) caught us unaware in the middle of a hike to see turtles.

For our Big Island adventure, Eric and I opted to hire a car and stay in various AirBnB's so that we could move around and sleep in proximity to the many attractions on the island. The several locals we stayed with were friendly, had nice back-yards, shared their baking, and had good suggestions about where to visit. They were also very knowledgeable about the island:  Fun Fact - most of the tropical plants, including the fancy flowers and coconut trees, are actually imported to Hawaii! The native plants closely resemble what can be found in NZ, including a Hawaiian version of a Pohutakawa tree.

A man-made pool, filled with ocean water, and heated with lava/some sort of natural energy. Even the fish enjoyed it!

Our AirBnB hosts directed us to the best snorkeling spot on the island - a series of large connected rock-pools, formed by something to do with a volcano. They were teeming with fish (puffer fish!), coral and the occasional (rumored) turtle. 

The top attraction on the Big Island is a small area in the South, where lava flows from an active volcano into the ocean. At the edge of the park, locals set up stands and hire out bikes so you can cycle the ~6km through lava fields to get to the viewing point (an area where the park wardens have set up a "don't cross this" piece of string). There were at least another hundred people cycling with us to view the sunset, who we we raced each way (though they may not have realised it).

Cycling through Mordor on fancy bikes. 

The lava is not so visible during the day, so the trick is to get there at sunset to watch it light up as darkness falls. 

The second best thing we did on the Big Island was visit the national park, slightly north of the lava flow. The park contains several volcanic attractions including one active and one dormant volcano caldera. There is also a very large lava tube to walk through, caused by geology science I don't understand.  The park had some decent hikes, and contained native birds that had adapted to nest inside the cliffs of the active volcano, so that introduced predators can't reach their nests. Fun Fact - Mongoose were introduced to the Big Island to kill the introduced rats, however rats are nocturnal, and mongoose are active during the day. Now they work in harmony around the clock to eat all the native bird eggs.

Walking through a caldera that was active in the 60s! We were a little concerned it would explode again.

What is this? Africa?! No! Its the drier northern end of the island. 

Prior to my arrival I was hoping to spend a good amount of time on the beach, but hadn't really thought that through as the island does not have very many sandy beaches - mostly rocky coasts. The Big Island is an adventure holiday spot, and requiring considerable travel and (sometimes exercise) in order to reach the major attractions.

Rainbow falls near the major city Hilo.  Tropical!

We got lost on our way back from the magnificent Waipio valley, on a gravel road that led to a forest commune. On the side of the road we passed some construction/commune workers with large machinery, and an abandoned white car riddled with bullet holes. Spent 20 minutes convinced we were going to die.

Overall it was a good trip. There are a lot of unique things to do and see on the Big Island, especially volcano related things. However, if I ever get the opportunity to go back to Hawaii, I will opt for the resorty-beachy experience in Maui or Kauai.

Bonus pic:

He went for coffee but found a following. All hail lord of the chickens. 

Hawaii Part 1: Oahu

Hanauma Bay State Park - home to tropical fish, mongoose and chickens. The most popular snorkeling spot on Oahu. 

In April this year Eric attended a work conference in Hawaii. To avoid crippling FOMO and wasting a perfectly good pre-booked hotel room, I joined too. During the first part of our trip, we were based in Honolulu, the capital city of Hawaii located on Oahu island. Oahu is the main island, ie, the one you fly into, but it is not the biggest island - that would be Hawaii island, where we spent the second part of our trip.

A well decorated food truck and the food it served. Nom.

I have never felt more elated arriving to a tropical climate than arriving in Honolulu after my first winter in Toronto. It was like re-learning that planet earth is habitable, and that one does not need to feel dread and tension before walking outside. Equipped with Oreos, vodka and orange juice, the bulk of my first day was spent, not adventuring, but by the pool absorbing as much warm air as possible like some kind of lizard (speaking of lizards, there were heaps of them and they were adorable).

Looking down towards Waikiki Beach from the main drag in Honolulu. 

Honolulu is a very touristy city. It has a bunch of fancy malls, designer clothing stores and hotels, some of which are nice, and some of which look nice on the outside but are actually crappy on the inside. We happened to be in town during "Spam Jam", the annual Hawaiian festival celebrating all the different ways one can cook Spam. It was a big deal. The main street was closed off and filled with food stalls and stages hosting local talent ranging from professional musicians to school groups. It turns out Spam tastes OK when cut into tiny pieces and put inside deep fried macaroni and cheese balls (FYI, we waited 45 minutes in line to learn this, so in the words of Dwayne Johnson's Maui, you're welcome).

Spam Jam - a real and serious thing. 

On the north side of Oahu (the opposite end to Honolulu) is a beach called Turtle Beach.  Our expectations heading out there were high, and became even higher as we got stuck in city traffic for an hour due to heavy rain. When we eventually arrived, we wandered over to a group of fellow tourists staring at what could have been turtle flippers popping out of the water, but what might equally have been sticks floating in the surf. Donning snorkel gear, we took to the waves and hunted around for about ten minutes before turning back, suddenly arriving face to face with a group of chilled out turtles.

"Hey, get of my lawn." Not to scale, these things were huge!

Seeing turtles was the by far highlight of Oahu. Honolulu itself was not so great. I had been warned about this prior to visiting - it is simply a very expensive city, with issues including homelessness and heavy traffic, next to an nice beach. There are few cultural experiences to be had in the city itself (the Tiki-themed tourist bar we visited, while kinda cool, does not count). Oahu gets better outside of the city, though I probably would not go back unless on transit to another island.

Next stop: The Big Island!

Aloha! The sun, the beach! We're back in action. 

Bonus pic: Chicken and baby chicken. Nawww.

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Tokyo, Japan

It's been a while since I last posted. In the last 2 months I've started a new job, survived the remainder of the Toronto winter (lost a few years off my life expectancy), adjusted to living in a central city shoe-box, and visited Hawaii, Portland Oregon and Niagara Falls. This post is taking a few steps back to November 2016 when Eric and I completed the last leg of our SE Asia trip in Tokyo, Japan.

Trees with roots sticking out of the ground at the Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden. 

It was a shock arriving in Tokyo after spending 4 weeks in Vietnam and Laos. I anticipated arriving to a bright, lively, modern and busy city, based on Singapore and the impressions I'd gained from Japanese game shows and anime (classic and somewhat shameful western mistake). Setting these expectations, my subconscious suppressed the actual facts I knew - Japan has an ageing population partially due to over-work, from which people occasionally die (karoshi - literally translating to "overwork death"), and a growing trend of social isolation (hikikomori). Our first observation was that, at 11pm on our way to the city centre, the train was full of silent, very tired looking people in suits. No chickens. No scooters. No yelling. 

Learning the history of Tokyo at the Edo-Tokyo museum. 

Wandering around Tokyo during the day is a peculiar experience. The malls and most streets we walked through were close to empty. Even when there were people and traffic around, the near silence remained. We saw very few children, and except for one park we visited, there were no youths just hanging around making noise. The infrastructure including buildings, roads and train systems were well maintained and efficient, though all seemed as through they had been built in the 90s. The cumulative effect was that of a post-apocalyptic scenario, in which you wander around wondering if you’ve missed a memo about evacuating.  

Should we start running?

Tokyo is difficult to get around, mostly due to the fact everything is in Japanese. This seems pretty obvious, but I’m warning you now, if you go to Japan with a travel buddy, prepare for tension driven by the Japanese alphabets. It was like constantly being in an escape room. Want lunch? Solve this puzzle. My remaining knowledge of Hirigana (the easiest alphabet) from high-school did not help one bit (though I did feel clever when I recognized the odd “ka” and “shi”).  On one occasion, we identified a restaurant by matching the characters on several signs to the characters written on Yelp. Fortunately, all train stations have one version of the map in English, so its only a matter of finding the map and you’re set.

The Harajuku district, where everything is pink, fluffy or candy. 

Our first priority in Japan was to visit the Akihabara Owl Café, a place where you pay to hang out with owls for an hour (basically an owl brothel). We arrived at a non-descript building in the afternoon, where we were handed a booklet with their menu of available owls, and detailed instructions for how to look after your own pet owl. When they let us inside, we sat down at tables and selected the owl we would like to hold. Owls are weird animals. They manage to look superior, indignant and crazy at the same time, making you feel like you are either the most stupid thing on planet earth, or you are about to get your face clawed off. 

Eric's barn owl was having nothing to do with our cute couples photo. 

Tokyo comes alive after dark. Huge fluorescent signs light up out of nowhere creating a continuous rainbow dotted with giant posters of pretty popstars (guys and girls). The streets fill up with people leaving the office, apparently for the first time that day. In our most notable night-time experience, we visited the Robot Cabaret in Akihabara, a tourist show that had been recommended by Eric's friend Michael. We were nearly blinded by the largest collection of robots, colours, and rhinestone covered walls on planet earth. I did not know it was possible for anything to look like so much - for so many visually stimulating things to be in one place. It was like tequila shots for the eyes. The show started with bright lights, loud music, giant robots and chicks dressed as hypersexualised video game characters/animals. We spent the whole show with our mouths open repeating “wtf” as actors riding robots staged wars and parades, inclusive of indoor fireworks.

Is that an actress dressed up as a jungle defender, playing an electric guitar, riding a giant snake robot with another actress playing a dead villain in the robot snakes mouth? Yes, it is.

The Kawaii Monster Cafe. An overwhelming tourist experience. 

I would definitely go back to Japan but next time, would want to spend time outside of Tokyo. I got the sense it was not representative of the rest of Japan, and that there were cooler things to do outside of the concrete jungle. 

Bonus wtf picture: a game at an arcade where you win prizes for catching live goldfish.