Vietnam Part 7: Phong Nha

Scootering through the jungle!

Phong Nha is the the ultimate middle-of-nowhere place. It is a stunningly beautiful national park in the centre of Vietnam, famous for its jungles and having some of the largest caves in the world. Most of the caves have only been discovered in the last decade or so because it is so remote. We happened to hear about it by reading the Lonely Planet (an actual book!) and decided to spend one night and one day there on our way to the islands.

Our accommodation for the night - a lakefront villa. One rainfall away from being flooded.

One of the top rated attractions in Phong Nha is the Pub With Cold Beer, a cult backpacker type of venue off the beaten track, then another 45 minutes cycle along a mud track. Our hotel gave us bikes in the afternoon, warning us to be back before dark. No problemo!

Eric speeds ahead of me to the Pub with Cold Beer. 

When we finally reached the Pub With Cold Beer we were underwhelmed. The young-and-free party setup of hammocks, long tables and volleyball courts could not be utilized to their full potential as there were only two other people there. We finished our beer, played a game of pool at the worlds most remote pool table, then headed back via a different route so we could ride across a cool looking bridge. Big mistake. We had inadvertently taken the long way back and dusk was upon us. Mosquitoes rose from the swampy farm lands and aimed like kamikaze pilots towards our faces and mouths. The dirt path turned into a muddy bog, almost indistinguishable from the fields around it. We had to get off our bikes and push them, wondering the whole time if we were actually heading towards the main road.

Darkness fell and our levels of concern and regret increased. The numerous semi-domesticated dogs living on the farms became feral, barked, growled and began to approach us. This is it, I thought for the nth time in Vietnam, ankle deep in mud wheeling a bike. We're going to be mauled by a pack of feral dogs.

The cool bridge we risked our lives for.

We arrived back at the hotel past dark, muddy, cold, and disheveled. Eric had used his dog speaking skills to keep them from biting us as we waded past, the rest of the journey being a combination of luck and determination. We spent the evening cowering over food and cocktails, promising ourselves we would not stay out after dark again.

The next morning, feeling refreshed and confident after a relaxing kayaking session on the lake, we hired a scooter from the hotel and headed out to visit the caves. Scootering in Phong Nha was much better than in Hue as there was hardly any traffic, however...

Roadblock!

Another roadblock! Turn back and take the long route. Seconds after I took this photo, Eric pressed the accelerator and almost ran me over whilst not even riding the scooter. 

We visited two caves in Phong Nha. The first, sensibly called Phong Nha Cave, was a river cave only accessible by boat. To get there, we joined forces with a group of backpackers and hired a private boat (of questionable structural integrity) which took us up the river. When we reached the cave, we disembarked and got on to smaller row boats which were manned (and womanned) by locals who paddled us through the caves.

Approaching the cave entrance in our big boat - BYO beer. 

This was a very impressive cave, but not as impressive as the second cave we visited; Paradise Cave was discovered in 2005 and is 31km long, though only the first km or so can be accessed without a guide. To get to this extremely remote cave, we scootered for 45 minutes and then completed a hike through the jungle (there was a snake!). The opening of the cave is a small hole in a rock halfway up a mountain, which leads to the top of a colossal cavern (for a size comparison, think Mines of Moria but with a boardwalk and lights instead of Orcs and dead Dwarves). Being a dark cave, I couldn't really capture its size on camera, but here are some pictures of the coolest formations inside it:

A big slimy rock. 

A llama with two people riding it?

Fancy cave ponds (no signs of life).

Having explored two of the caves, there was only one thing to do which was get back to the hotel before dark. Unfortunately, my jungle navigational skills are sub-par, and so, after heading 20 minutes in the wrong direction, the sun was starting to set and we were beginning to involuntarily eat mosquitoes again.

"Can the tigers run faster than this scooter?"

I call this one "Lost in the Jungle".

Phong Nha was a really cool place and is definitely worth visiting, despite it being difficult to get to. If you're up for an adventure, physical activity, and enjoy getting a bit muddy, this is the place for you.

Next Stop: Cat Ba Island! (back up to Halong Bay)

Vietnam Part 6: Hue

The Khal Dinh Tomb. Take note friends and family - this is how I expect to be buried. 

After an evening of following bar fliers in Hoi An, I woke up painfully hungover on the day of our six hour bus trip to Hue (Hoo-ay). As if my self-induced suffering was not bad enough, the US election results were unfolding. In reflection, perhaps this miserable and confusing introduction coloured my perception of Hue - which I did not like. There was something unpleasant about it that I cannot put my finger on. It's not particularly pretty, it feels kind of isolated, and despite being home to some cool attractions, it does not feel tourist friendly, especially in comparison to romantic and relaxed Hoi An. We were in Hue for two nights and one full day.

The Perfume River runs through the centre of Hue. It had a smell.

On our first night out in Hue, a guy on a scooter pulled up to us on the street and asked if we wanted a ride. What? Where would we go? Would we be kidnapped? No, crazy man on a scooter, we do not want a ride. This happened again and again every 50m or so we walked. We could not figure out why so many men were offering us such a stupid thing. By the second evening, word must have got around that two dumb tourists matching our description were in town. As we exited our hotel onto a quiet road, a guy pulled up to us on a scooter and got straight to the point, yelling "MA-WANA?!" (Marijuana.) Oh. My. God. Visions flashed before my eyes of the rest of my life spent in an overcrowded Vietnamese prison. I was going to be arrested by a hidden onlooker, then thrown in jail after some dodgy trial. Mum would have to move to Vietnam to bring me food every day so I wouldn't starve. I would certainly have to live with fleas for the rest of my life. "NO!" I yelled back, making clear to anyone watching us that we were not associated with this scooter man. He gave us a dirty look and drove off. This was the worst sales technique (for anything) I have ever come across, but at least we had solved the mystery of the stupid ride offers.

There are two main things to do during the day in Hue; visit the Citadel and visit the tombs. In addition to these, our hotel concierge kindly recommended we visit “one of the largest markets in Vietnam”.  We were skeptical. The night before he had sent us to a night market which comprised of ~4 stalls. Regardless, the market was only two streets over from the Citadel, so we followed his directions to this largest market, in which we were smushed from all sides by fruit, meat, shoes, and people grabbing our arms instructing us to buy their things. It was at this market where I was finally able to use my zero bartering skills to the pay the initial asking price for a mango. (My complete lack of bartering skills is due in part to feeling guilty about arguing over $1.00 with someone from a developing nation. The other part, as Eric put it, is down to me being "a real chicken sometimes".) Eight hours later we hacked into the largest-market-mango with a plastic fork and ate over our hotel bathroom sink like wild animals.

Here, Eric is overwhelmed by the reconstructed section of the Citadel. Much of the Citadel is not yet reconstructed and comprises of grass and brick.

The Queen Mothers Pleasure Pavilion at the Citadel... I can see Cersei living here.

Having successfully visited the market and the Citadel, there were only two things left to see in Hue, both of them being ancient tombs located far out of the city. The time had finally come to bite the bullet and hire a scooter. Scootering in Vietnam is a physically tiring experience as your whole body is tense, awaiting the seemingly inevitable impact of a truck, another scooter, the road, or a tree. Our Hue scootering also felt scary because we were in the middle of nowhere and google maps coverage was patchy. Fortunately, we were helped along by other drivers on the road who recognized us as tourists and gave us a wide berth.There are many unspoken, unrecognizable rules governing the chaos of the roads in Vietnam. Being ignorant of these, if anyone was going to cause an accident, it was us.  Ignoring one incident where we went the wrong way up a one way street in the middle of town, the physical scootering part went fairly smoothly.

"I remember it being a lot scarier than that." - Eric on our first scooter roundabout experience. 

Minh Mang Tomb had fish ponds and fish food for sale. We spent a fair amount of time throwing food to get the fish to swim in various formations.  

Outside the Khal Dinh Tomb. The fancy gold burial room in the first picture is in that white building at the back. 

In addition to our main activities we had a fantastic meal of traditional Vietnamese food and a beyond-awful massage after which we were demanded to tip. As you can tell, I could have lived my life regret free without having visited Hue. The tombs and Citadel are interesting, but there was a weird vibe and it felt unsafe.

So long, Hue.

Next stop: Phong Nha!